Things you hear when you’re directing a (large) wedding…

…it was my first wedding as an ‘official’ wedding director for my church. I’ve catered a wedding for 300; I’ve played the piano for quite a few others; but I’ve only directed a couple in the past – and none in the last 6 years or so. 

“I have 10 bridesmaids and 10 groomsmen, a 10 person orchestra, a 12 person choir, 3 flower girls, 2 ringbearers, and 2 preachers.” Said the bride.

Hmmm…that’s 51 people on the stage at one time. Well, why not jump in with both feet, then, right?

“My maid of honor had her mom call to say she isn’t coming.” Said the bride.

“Can you tell me where I’m staying this weekend? I’d like to contact the family and let them know when I’ll be coming in.” Said one of the college-student groomsmen.

“Do you know where my dad went?” Said the bride. An hour before the ceremony begins.

As it turns out…noone knew where he went.

“Umm…can you come see this? One of the girls has been here for 30 minutes trying to get into her dress.” Said the pianist noticing that bridesmaids haven’t left for photos yet.

“Hey! I’m so glad to see you! I think my zipper is broken.” Said the bridesmaid. As four other bridesmaids were trying to fix it – and not getting their photos taken either. I dug out my box of safety pins and double sided tape.

“So, when I get home, my mom has to CUT me out of my dress?” Said the bridesmaid (see above) after I had sewn her into her dress.

“Where IS (that vocalist)! I need her NOW!” Said the father of the bride.

Hmmm…she was told to be ready at 6:00. It’s 5:55. She’s putting on her shoes now. She’ll be out soon.

“Six O’Clock? Who tells them these times?”

Hmmm…I did, sir. Remember, that’s why you’re paying me.

“Oh yeah. Sorry.”

🙂

“I totally forgot to pass out these thank you cards. Would you mind doing it for me?” Said the sweet mother of the bride, with a bag full of 60 cards – you know for people I’ve never met.

“I got a call from Chris, you know, the other usher. He can’t make it.” Said one of my awesome ushers when the prelude began.

“Is there NO way I can hear any of this awesome music my dad put together for the prelude?” Said the bride, and I had to tell her no. 🙁

“Do you know where I parked my car?”

“I have to walk out there all by myself?”

“You can go with me, right?” Said a random guest who (apparently) needed an escort outside.

“Wait. Can you help me find my car?” Said the same random guest 7 minutes later, who is walking around in the parking lot hitting the unlock button on her car key’s remote.

“And the horse-drawn carriage should be arriving……now.” Said me, as I snapped my fingers in the air like Cinderella’s Fairy Godmother. And just then it arrived.

Hmmmm….(I looked at my fingers)….I wonder if that works on cleaning my girls’ rooms.

“I set my purse down and now i can’t find it. It’s a super tiny black one. The bride said you were the one to ask.” Said another random guest.

“Do you know where the car keys are?” Asked the sweet bridesmaid who was packing up the carriage for the bride and groom.

“Wasn’t there a marriage license or something I should have signed?” Said the preacher.

“Will you ever do another one?” A friend said on facebook later that night. Much later. When I got home.

Definitely I will. That was a blast.